Since life coaching is a relatively new field, many people are confused about it and have many questions.
"Why not just stick with my therapist?" they want to know. "I am fine just where I am, I don't want to switch."
Some people may have fallen into a comfortable routine with their therapist and are reluctant to end such a relationship. They may also fear having to face a new situation, not knowing if they will be confronted with scary emotions that they are not ready for, or having to explain something they can't or don't want to. Or having to do homework they don't want to do.
Perhaps they need more emotional stability in their life. Therapy can certainly help.
Perhaps they want to understand why they feel so angry or depressed all the time. Therapy.
But let me ask you... how long have you been seeing your therapist? A year? Three? Five? More?
I myself went to therapy for seven years. With seven different therapists, in three different parts of the country. They were all very nice, and I did like going -- it felt good to be heard and acknowledged.
And you know what? It did feel good to be heard and acknowledged and to get some things off my chest. I did gain some insights into what was going on with me, but after seven years I was still not sleeping, not being able to give my all to my children (who turned out great nonetheless), not getting to complete my education, or follow what I felt was my true purpose. Still living the same old stressful life. On top of that, a lot of my money was flying out the window into my therapist's pockets. And I spent a lot of time not only in the office but traveling back and forth. For about a year I even drove from Las Vegas, where I then lived, to my therapist's office in Los Angeles two weekends every month. I had to leave my little ones in something of a madhouse. My parents and friends all lived on the East Coast and couldn't help out.
Enter life coaching... and the journey to real change in my life began.
To help you decide what may be best for you, here are some things to consider when you get ready to get help. There are many differences between the priorities of therapy and coaching.
* In therapy, feelings are processed, and the goal is to heal and be more stable emotionally. The focus is often on understanding and healing past events and traumas. It's all about feelings. The therapist asks how you feel about these events, or how you feel in general, and explains how things work psychologically. The client takes a lot of energy to relive a trauma, to draw up all his/her/their courage and bring up all the old feelings, to talk it through and examine it from all angles. It is draining and exhausting, and sometimes, with the wrong therapist, it can be re-traumatizing. Sometimes the session is over and the client is left in tears and has to resolve it on the way home or back to work.
In coaching, the goal is to move from where you are today, from where you are stuck, to a higher level of functioning, both in the full program and in each session. It focuses on getting from the unsatisfactory present to the bright future where the client (I like to use the term traveler since this is a journey) feels fulfilled in living his/her/their life's purpose. It is all about taking action to getting there. Goals are well-defined by implementing evidence-based exercises, worksheets and some pretty creative methods. Coach and traveler brainstorm solutions together, talk through which ones might work best and try them out until the problem is resolved. The session ends leaving the traveler feeling energized and more confident.
* In therapy, each session may focus on a completely different topic, often about something distressing that has occurred since the last session. At times, the original reason for therapy falls by the wayside and is not addressed until near the end of the session, leaving the client hanging when the time is up.
In coaching, there is a specific purpose for each session, such as learning or practicing a new skill, or building on insights gained in the previous session, or reviewing a new concept, behavior or solution that was practiced since the last session. The client clearly sees that progress has been made over the sessions.
* The therapist is the one to offer answers and solutions, making the client feel powerless and dependent. The client, not trusting him/her/themself, continues to see the therapist for getting needs met. And the client can often be heard to say "My therapist says...".
The coach says "Yes, but what do you say?" The coach acts as a guide and a cheerleader. This guide assumes the traveler already knows the answers deep down, and only offers the means to draw them out and the encouragement to implement them. The traveler has a lot of power in his/her/their own growth, gaining self-confidence along the way in making good decisions resulting in positive, authentic and permanent life changes. The traveler can often be heard to say "I have decided to do ..." and "I have already done ...".
* In therapy, it's on the client to get to the therapist's office. The client has to make sure the car is gassed up and in legal and mechanical order. Or the client has to find someone who is available to provide a ride, to overcome embarrassment when making calls to family and friends, and to have cash or another offering to contribute towards gas costs. Or the client has to take a bus, in which case there's a bus route and schedule to figure out, bus stops and transfers to locate, finding the exact change. Once on a packed bus, the client must fight through the crowd to that empty seat in the back, which is not empty by they time they get there.
In coaching, the traveler grabs a cup of coffee, tea or hot chocolate, sits back in a comfortable quiet space and gets on the computer or the phone. There is no need to factor in travel time, saving the busy person hours. No need to put on your shoes, go searching for your wallet, struggle into your coat and maybe rain gear. It should be noted, though, that some coaches do meet in person if a client prefers that.
* Therapy is long term. Some people stay in therapy all their adult lives, maybe all their lives. This can be 20 years or more, and they are ultimately no better off. Still in bad relationships, still struggling with distressing emotions, still stuck in that unfulfilling job, just like before. And a lot of time and money down the drain.
Coaching is short term, from a few months to a year or maybe two, and at the end, the traveler is in a new and better place. The original problem is resolved, and if a new problem arises, the traveler has the tools, the self-confidence and emotional strength to meet it head on. Going back to coaching is optional.
* The therapist is only available at the scheduled time for the scheduled time frame, usually 45 - 50 minutes. Say your appointment is scheduled Tuesdays at 3pm for 50 minutes. It may take you 10 minutes to settle into your seat, organize your coat and bag(s) and slow your mind down enough to focus on the task at hand. At the end of 50 minutes, no matter where you are, it is time to pick up and leave. I have heard people say that this can feel like they are being cheated on. On your way out you meet the next client, making you feel that you are only one person in a sort of conveyor belt dropping money into someone else's kitty. Or they run into a co-worker or even a boss, breaking confidentiality.
The coach schedules a convenient time agreed upon by the two parties together. The appointments are flexible, lasting from 15 minutes (this is rare) to even an hour and a half, as needed. Between sessions, the coach calls the client to check in, provide encouragement or to help figure out snags encountered while the traveler is practicing a newly learned skill. The traveler can also call or email the coach any time with questions or requests for encouragement.
* Finally, in therapy, all the "work" is done during the session. The client relates situations and expresses feelings, receives emotional support and gains some understanding. The client leaves the session behind and continues the same life and behaviors as before.
In coaching, the "work" happens between sessions. The traveler may read an article or a selection in a book; complete a worksheet; create a poem, dance, drawing or piece of music; or practice a new skill. It can take a little more time, but skills and insights are assimilated and incorporated into the traveler's life immediately, affecting a concrete step towards the ultimate goal.
These are some of the differences between therapy and coaching, and now you can make a good decision on which you might need.
Still not sure? One plan might be to follow a course of therapy with a course of life coaching.
If your life is already fairly ok, but you feel like something is missing -- life coaching will guide you.
What if your anger issues continue despite therapy and multiple anger management courses? I would try life coaching.
All this being said, some people do use a coach in conjunction with a therapist because of the differences mentioned above. And that's fine. Go for it! Here's to you!
